i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
