Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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