Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
