I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
