it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
