4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
