Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
