What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
