Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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