what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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