It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
