we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i believe in u and ur pee
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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