OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
