Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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