these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
