Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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