She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
