Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize