i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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