what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize