There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
