I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
