Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
