so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
