well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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