please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
