i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
