1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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