She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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