Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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