This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
