I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
