Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
