is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
