I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
