she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
