Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
