The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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