I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize