ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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