I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
