scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
