i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
FUCK WHALES
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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