Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
