well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
