Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
