oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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