Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
