You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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