it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize