So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
