You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
