Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
