her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
