How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
