so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
