she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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